Lately I’ve been wondering if it is worth the wait. I’ve been waiting for too long, in fact, as soon as the semester starts, the wait will reach the one year mark. For one year I have been waiting for something that I have never had, a shot to something that I have always dreamt of since I was a child exposed to Koreanovelas and shoujo manga. I was so focused on this one person that I’ve let others slide past not unscathed. And now I am, once again, feeling guilty for all the possible pain that I have caused them, reminded by recent conversations of chances I let slide and cleared of all illusions that everything is okay again. 

And now I’m pondering once again if he really likes me the way or how much he claims to, because if he does, then why do I feel as if I’m back at square one, when everything was all one-sided? I can’t bring myself to believe the excuse that he is torpe, and in my humble and naive opinion, guys have no right to be torpe since it’s us girls who do the waiting, it’s us girls who do the hoping without the chance of actually going all out on wooing. Call me sexist and too traditional, but I totally live in the idea of ligaw—it’s my way of gauging if someone’s really serious about me. Being serious about me doesn’t always do the trick tho. 

My friend said I’m disillusioned about love. I said she once was too.